Free to Choose

It was a typical Wednesday evening in February. I prepared dinner and we sat down to eat. After cleaning up, the girls and I sat down on the living room floor to play Go Fish. We raised the stakes with chocolate peanut butter cups. I noticed my back began to ache a little. I thought maybe it was from hunching over while playing cards. I decided to lie down on the couch and we turned on a movie. I dozed off for a few minutes and upon waking the pain had become pretty intense. I decided to try a heating pad to see if that would ease what I thought was muscle spasms. Within the hour the pain had become unbearable and I was uncomfortable sitting, standing, walking, breathing. I called my husband on his way home from a church activity and told him what was going on. We called a neighbor to come stay with the kids while he rushed me to the hospital. Five hours of waiting and an ultrasound revealed I had gallstones.

This was by far the worst pain I had ever experienced (and I've had three kids). The ER doctor explained that the pain I was experiencing was caused by a gallbladder attack; when the gallbladder contracts to release bile the stones are pushed towards the exit blocking bile from leaving. He described it as hitting a brick wall. On being released from the hospital I was given a lengthy list of things I should avoid to prevent future attacks to which I did not hesitate to eliminate. The hardest part about this health struggle was that I felt angry about this trial. Why was my health being challenged when I took care of myself fairly well, I thought. The following Monday I met with the surgeon who confirmed the ER doctor's diagnosis and said that the only way to fix the problem was to remove the gallbladder. Not the answer I was expecting. I was hoping at least two options would be available.

The night before the surgery I couldn't sleep. I felt so uncomfortable spiritually and an unrest because I was afraid and angry about what I was facing the next day. Although the doctors insisted it was a simple and quick procedure, the thought of surgery was terrifying to me. At 3 a.m. I found myself searching on lds.org. I clicked on a few different article links and read: “As we confront our own … trials and tribulations, we too can plead with the Father, just as Jesus did, that we ‘might not … shrink’—meaning to retreat or to recoil (D&C 19:18). Not shrinking is much more important than surviving! Moreover, partaking of a bitter cup without becoming bitter is likewise part of the emulation of Jesus” (Elder David A. Bednar, 2013, That We Might Not Shrink).

I realized my anger came from not feeling ready to overcome what was placed before me. If Christ was able to endure so much pain and suffering for me, I could find strength to overcome this. I was overcome with emotion as I knelt down to pray for strength and forgiveness. I had a choice...I could choose to let go of the anger in my heart and let God strengthen me, or I could choose to let bitterness take over and miss out on seeing the blessing that would come from this experience. I knew I couldn't do it alone and so I let go of the anger. That made room in my heart and mind to witness the love of my Father as people came daily to help with my children, to visit me just to see how I was doing, to see my husband as he lovingly and patiently helped me get around those first few days. God was there strengthening me the whole way.

My six-year-old daughter posed a question the other day, "Mom, why do bad things happen?" "Because there is an opposition to everything, sad to happy, sick to healthy," I replied. According to the scriptures opposition provides choice, which then brings about consequences either good or bad. As a nation we pride ourselves in the freedoms we enjoy daily. Our Declaration of Independence states that we "...are endowed by [our] Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness."

"Wherefore, men are free according to the flesh; and all things are given them which are expedient unto man. And they are free to choose liberty and eternal life, through the great Mediator of all men, or to choose captivity and death, according to the captivity and power of the devil; for he seeketh that all men might be miserable like unto himself." 2 Nephi 2:27

The concept of freedom in our lives predates our mortal experience. Our free agency is a gift from God, and that freedom continues to be possible through Christ. President Ezra Taft Benson taught that:

"Through Christ and his valiant defense of our Father's plan, the course of agency and eternal aspirations prevailed...So we came to our mortality, like Jeremiah (Jeremiah 1:5), known by God as his literal spirit children, having the privilege to choose our personal path...the children of men continue to be free forever, knowing good from evil; to act for [ourselves] and not to be acted upon...God's chief way of acting is by persuasion and patience and long-suffering, not by coercion and stark confrontation. He acts by gentle solicitation and by sweet enticement. He always acts with unfailing respect for the freedom and independence that we possess. He wants to help us and pleads for a chance to assist us, but he will not do so in violation of our agency...Daily, constantly, we choose by our desires, our thoughts, and our actions whether we want to be blessed or cursed, happy or miserable."

I love this! We are free to act for ourselves and not to be acted upon. If we take a moment to reflect on ourselves, who and what we are right now, do we reflect our free choice of happiness or misery? We hold in our own hands a huge opportunity for our personal happiness or misery regardless of our circumstances. Here's my challenge to you, dust off that list of goals you wrote at the beginning of the year, or start a new one (attached is a sample goal list). Review it often as your idea of what makes you happy may change along the way. Now more than ever I believe it is important to take back the power we give, sometimes unknowingly, to the adversary. We can be freed from bondage through Christ and in him find the strength to resist temptation.

"Awake...put on the armor of righteousness. Shake off the chains with which ye are bound, and come forth out of obscurity, and arise from the dust." 2 Nephi 1:23

Whether the chains that bind us are an addiction, a toxic relationship, our health, our lack of fitness, depression, basically anything that keeps us from our better selves and from happiness, we can 'awake' and be better everyday. IT IS YOUR CHOICE!

MY PURSUIT OF HAPPINESS

Misery Your current habits, situation, mental hurdle, spiritual battle, etc. that keep you from happiness.	Happiness What you want the results to be from your choice to change.	Plan Change begins with small steps. What small change is in your immediate reach that you can make to begin your journey to happiness?