In the Shadows of the Mind

Depression is something I believe people don't talk enough about as well as they don't give the mental imbalance credit for many of their ailing symptoms. No one likes to admit they are depressed but finding out depression is what is wrong can also at least give your symptoms a name and something to work with. I mentioned in my post titled Hope that I struggled with depression as a youth. I still do. Depression is like an addiction, just because you have overcome it doesn't mean it no longer lingers. Every now and then the enemy resurfaces and taunts you. The perspective of during and after overcoming depression is that after, you have the knowledge you have beat it and how to beat it again. This to me is empowering in my ongoing struggle with depression.

Elder Jeffrey R. Holland recently contributed to a video the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints produced regarding Depression based on his talk titled Like a Broken Vessel. People of different walks of life shared their battle with depression and many spoke about how it's a darkness that is just there, a torture of the mental faculties. You can't see it and that makes it that much harder to battle.

Christians know a thing or two of battling against forces that are unseen. We live in a time where Satan and his followers are working tirelessly to bring down God's Kingdom on earth. Depression is another one of those works of darkness that he inflicts on us to break us. Yes, there is a science behind it that tells us that it is an imbalance of chemicals in the brain, but think about what goes through your mind when you are going through a depressive state. It's like you are battling a mental boogyman who looms in the dark corners of your mind, whispering to you your sins, what you lack, your failures, your poor body image. There are indeed two things at play, your mental illness caused by our frail mortal bodies, and Satan using your mental illness to further his purpose. And because it involves these two aspects, you need to fight back with science and the light of the Gospel of Christ.

"Put on the whole armour of God, that ye may be able to stand against the wiles of the devil.

For we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places." (Ephesians 6:11-12)

The Gospel of Christ gave me the mental strength I needed to push the darkness out of my mind. I recall hearing an analogy about turning on a light in a dark room. Light and darkness cannot abide in the same space, one will ultimately push the other out. The same is true about our minds. When we fill it with the light of the Gospel, there is no room for darkness to dwell in. It is important therefore to continually strive to keep that light burning bright in our minds. When those depressive moods loom over us, turn to our Heavenly Father in prayer and our Savior in scriptures.

With that understanding, now let me turn to how we fight depression with science. Not long after receiving the diagnosis of depression, I was placed on a low dose anti-depressant. I picked up an exercise program on my own and I elected to go on a run in the mornings. I didn't feel I had control over a lot of things, but this was a choice that I had control over and that coupled with my religion helped rescue me from what often seemed like a state of never ending darkness. According to researchers, "Exercise give you energy, whereas depression saps your energy. When energy levels are high,  negative thoughts, sadness, and low self-esteem-- all components of depression-- decrease. Exercise increases metabolism, heart rate, breathing, and decreases muscle tension." (Robert Thayer, Return to Fitness by Bill Katovsky). "Exercise makes you feel great if you're feeling normal, and makes you feel better if you're feeling awful." (Andrew Solomon, Return to Fitness by Bill Katovsky).

If you have been diagnosed with depression or believe you may have depression, know that there is hope and healing ahead. If you rely on God to help you battle the darkness that looms over you this day, and make the effort to do all you can, you will regain that zeal for life. Depression will no longer have power over you, but you will have power over it.

"When you do your part, the Lord adds His power to your efforts." (Henry B. Eyring)

Mansions of My Father

In the scriptures this morning I read over the book of Enos and found his farewell so moving. In looking at his life before his passing he wrote, "...and I have declared [the Word of God] in all my days, and have rejoiced in it above that of the world. And I soon go to the place of my rest, which is with my Redeemer; for I know that in him I shall rest. And I rejoice in the day when my mortal shall put on immortality, and shall stand before him; then shall I see his face with pleasure, and he will say unto me; Come unto me, ye blessed, there is a place prepared for you in the mansions of my Father..." (Enos 1:26-27)

This made me wonder what I look forward to when I no longer exist in this mortal world...Is there anything to look forward to? We tend to think as death being the end, but Enos's words indicate there is more than what we see here and now. I wonder what I will look back on as the story of my life ...will I wish I had allowed more time to accomplish milestones in my career, traveled more, spent more time with my loved ones, or been a better wife, mother, sister, friend, or Christian? As people we often share common dreams and sometimes common regrets. We value certain aspects of life depending on our understanding. It is interesting to realize how quick we sometimes are to place a value on material things or to judge a person based on their net worth. We may not perceive others as important unless they have money, possessions, and power.

People are willing to give of their personal and family time, even lose sleep or give up other necessities, in exchange for worldly recognition and possessions. Why is that? We've all heard the old saying "Money can't buy you happiness." Yet I see many trading their happiness for money. What happens when we detract from needs to justifying our wants as needs? You don't have to look far. We are daily bombarded by media telling us that more is needed to make life easier, happier. We are flooded with choice in the purchase of everything. During Sunday school a few weeks back we were discussing how Satan twists the truth and makes worldly things enticing. Satan robs us of our eternal focus and prevents us from looking beyond our immediate gratification/happiness.

 "Lay not up for yourselves treasures upon earth, where moth and rust doth corrupt, and thieves break through and steal; But lay up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where neither moth nor rust doth corrupt, and where thieves do not break through nor steal. For where your treasure is, there will your heart be also. (3 Nephi 13:19-21)

If you were to ask someone on the street what they consider a treasure, they would likely answer that it is something that has value maybe even referring to an archaeological find. Running a search on a search engine will bring up the definition of the noun of treasure as a quantity of precious metals, gems or other valuable objects. The verb however is more significant and is described as to keep carefully a valued or valuable item. I believe that the scripture above refers to the verb of treasure. When we treasure something that has value in the eternal perspective, it isn't something that can easily be taken from us. It cannot tarnish the way physical treasure can. A person cannot deprive us of holding it near to our hearts. They are some of the most prized of possessions yet they are the easiest to take for granted or set aside. We insure our homes, our cars, our physical bodies, our income even, but we take little precaution to insure our family ties, our relationship with God, our testimony of the Gospel. How can you insure something that isn't tangible you may ask?

Dieter F. Uchdorf shared that "Perhaps the most universal regret dying patients expressed [is] that they wished they had spent more time with the people they love. Men in particular sang this universal lament: they 'deeply regretted spending so much of their lives on the [daily] treadmill of … work.' Many had lost out on choice memories that come from spending time with family and friends. They missed developing a deep connection with those who meant the most to them."

Why is it that we procrastinate when it comes to our loved ones as if time were something that will always be available to us? We wait for tragedy to breathe meaningful perspective into our lives. For me personally that realization came when I moved thousands of miles away from any family. I couldn't drive a few minutes and visit face to face with my parents, I couldn't call on my sisters to meet up with me for lunch or to go shopping, I wasn't an arms reach from hugs and kisses, and that was hard. I definitely wished I had taken more advantage of my time with them. Visiting them during the summer has definitely made for the sweetest of reunions knowing that it is only temporary. I can't express it enough, take advantage of your time with loved ones, you never know when it could be your last.

"Another regret people express...[is] that they failed to become the person they felt they could and should have been. When [looking] back on their lives...too many songs remained unsung. I am not speaking here of climbing the ladder of success in our various professions. That ladder, no matter how lofty it may appear on this earth, barely amounts to a single step in the great eternal journey awaiting us." (Dieter F. Uchtdorf, 2012. Of Regrets and Resolutions).

Christ taught that we cannot serve two masters. To set our hearts on the things of this world has the tendency to lead us away from God and our eternal purpose. You may think oh I am smarter than that. Or, that can't happen to me. Let me tell you that it is true what they say that the devil is in the details. He is very cunning and has a lot of experience influencing the hearts of men negatively. He is very well aware that he cannot lead us away with trying to get us to turn our heart away from God by big changes. He waits there patiently and will try small things to get you to inch your way towards misery. To think that this could not happen to you is foolish. We are all prone to temptations and mistakes. No one is immune.

"[S]eek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you." (Matthew 6:33)

"And after ye have obtained a hope in Christ ye shall obtain riches, if ye seek them; and ye will seek them for the intent to do good--to clothe the naked, and to feed the hungry, and to liberate the captive, and administer relief to the sick and the afflicted." (Jacob 2:19) 

There is no better use of our abundant resources than to put it to the aid of those who need it. We praise people and organizations that do so on a larger scale and believe that giving is for those who have more than sufficient. Let me tell you that this is not so. It is required of all to help one another even if the portion is small. I have found so much more happiness and satisfaction in having sufficient for my needs when I share of my portion with those that stand in need. Elder M. Russell Ballard counseled: "If you choose to seek riches for the sake of riches, you will fall short. You will never be satisfied. You will be empty, never finding true happiness and lasting joy." Seek first the kingdom of God for you will be blessed with the surety Enos received, a place among the mansions of our Father to rest in Christ.

Forgiveness: The Source of Healing

What is it about forgiveness that makes some people think that if they forgive a wrong, that it is a form of weakness or that justice will not be served? Why do individuals hold onto pain like it will help their healing? I remember reading a quote that read that holding grudges is like ingesting poison hoping the other person would die. I have to admit that I have felt this pain...that gut wrenching pain that makes you physically ill at the memory. I had never felt such a dark feeling towards another and I knew that holding onto it was hurting me more than learning how to forgive the individual and allow for healing. I mulled over the situation over and over again coming to different conclusions and theories. I'd hear myself talking about it and the fact that I just couldn't get over it made me sick. I decided I had to stop, I had to consciously make the decision to forgive someone who I knew would never apologize for what they did...time alone wasn't going to lead to forgiveness. 

"I, the Lord, will forgive whom I will forgive, but of you it is required to forgive all men..." (D&C 64:10)

"Many people act as thought this scripture reads in the reverse. They want to pick and choose whom they will forgive, based on their own standard or forgiveability. And their ultimate criterion seems to be that the sinner must suffer more than those who have suffered at the hands of the sinner." (Wendy Nelson). As expressed in the aforementioned scripture, we are required to forgive ALL...not some, ALL. We cannot pretend that forgiveness is only for those who are deserving of our forgiveness. Further, how can we expect to use the mercy of forgiveness when it comes to our mistakes but not those of others?

"...for he that forgiveth not his brother his trespasses standeth condemned before the Lord; for there remaineth in him the greater sin." (D&C 64:9)

Let me help you further understand the devastating effects of withholding forgiveness. Carla was a good work friend. Right off the bat we found much in common and enjoyed working together. I had heard Carla could be difficult to work with but I didn't see it. To me she was kind, intelligent, and always willing to help me learn the ropes. I considered her a mentor. On one occasion the subject of relationships came up and I found out she had never married, never had kids, and seldom had close friends. I thought it was normal for there to be people that this opportunity just didn't present itself to. The more I got to know her, I realized she had no issues cutting ties with people who disappointed her. She confessed that once she lost her good opinion of another, it could not be recovered. I realized this pattern of choice for her had left her alone. What people she got along with were on a more superficial level. How lonely would that be to be always so guarded and so unforgiving? Her unwillingness to forgive the mistakes and weaknesses of others had deprived her of some of the most enriching of relationships she could ever have.

I just finished reading the book The Light Between Oceans. It was such a great story about love, pride, and forgiveness. In the book, the character Hannah's suffering had been prolonged by the good intentions of the main characters, Tom and Isabel. She came to a point where exhausted from her pain she recalls her late husband explaining to her why he found it so easy to forgive others. To her question he responded by saying that forgiving requires one act whereas not forgiving would require daily work to remain bitter. I know for a fact that there are wrongs that we alone cannot find the strength to forgive. We can take courage in knowing that we are not alone in overcoming our weaknesses, and find peace again.

"I am convinced that most of us want to forgive, but we find it very hard to do. When we have experienced an injustice, we may be quick to say, “That person did wrong. They deserve punishment. Where is the justice?” We mistakenly think that if we forgive, somehow justice will not be served and punishments will be avoided. This simply is not the case. God will mete out a punishment that is fair, for mercy cannot rob justice (see Alma 42:25)." (Kevin R. Duncan, 2016. The Healing Ointment of Forgiveness)

“Leave judgment alone with me, for it is mine and I will repay. [But let] peace be with you” (D&C 82:23). 

The exercise of forgiveness is especially important within our own families. They see the ugliest side of us at times and love us unconditionally. This of course can lead us to taking the act of asking and extending forgiveness for granted assuming that it goes without saying. In my experience we cannot assume that all is forgiven just because we are family. The happiest moments and at the times the lowest moments have been experienced within the bonds of family. I love what Elder F. Burton Howard said, "If you want something to last forever, you treat it differently. You shield it and protect it. You never abuse it. You don't expose it to the elements. You don't make it common or ordinary. If it ever becomes tarnished, you lovingly polish it until it gleams like new. It becomes special because you have made it so, and it grows more beautiful and precious as time goes by."

Don't hesitate to admit your wrongs and forgive another's. I can honestly say that relationships, whether friend or familial, are strengthened through the exercise of repentance and forgiveness. Forgiveness is an act of courage, courage comes from faith in Christ. Seek out our Savior and you will find strength in him to overcome every sorrow, heartbreak, and disappointment you are now facing or will ever face. As your exercise sincere forgiveness, you'll find that not only will your love increase for those around you and theirs for you, but also you will feel God's love for you.