Beyond Beauty: Take Dos

Growing up, education was not a priority, we weren't pushed to do our best by mother (dad on the other hand always expected the girls to do their best. Why? Not sure), we didn't read on our free-time. I spent a lot of time playing outdoors and yet, still managed to be a good student. I enjoyed school for the most part except during the times in my life where paralyzing anxiety and depression kept me from enjoying leaving the four walls of our home. I became a first generation college graduate in spite of all the delays due to health, family, and life in general. For years the only books I had time to read were text books...assigned reading, so I didn't appreciate the world of literature. Then, I had kids. Kids I was responsible for nurturing, teaching, and shaping for the future. Coupled with my love for them and dedication to their education, I found reading became a joy in our family.

We read a lot together during the time we homeschooled. I still miss having them home, yet I don't miss the constant prepping of lessons, but I would gladly (maybe sometimes begrudgingly) do it all over again (life goals for 2018!!!). Reading gives you a look into another world, place, another person's life. That is why it is fascinating to me. I have also come to realize that I enjoy the same thing about getting to know another person. I love learning about their story and struggles. It's like reading a book and sometimes you get to be written into their book depending on how you involve yourself in their lives.

Blogging for me is similar, and has been a way to let people into my life, but I have realized that I am still pretty reserved in terms of letting people see how we live apart from the Christian life lessons I share. Religion is a big part of who I am as a person, but I feel readers may need more in order to connect with me as a person. At least this is what I gathered from reading a friend's blog. I loved reading and laughing about her life...truly beautiful regardless of what she feels are failed attempts at blogging and life in general. It really made me love her as a person because my heart connected with her writing. I understand what it is like when life is messy, when you are out of energy, and sometimes very much discouraged. Yes, the purpose of this blog is to testify of God's hand in my life, but I also want to share life in general so that we may connect better. I may still be a little reserved with sharing the details of other aspects of my life, but I am trying.

I actually had a family blog for years, but haven't touched it in almost a year. I think it'll be good to go through that blog and glean from it to not only share with you, but also bring to surface memories that I had forgotten about. Oversharing on social media has often been looked at as a negative thing, but in the world of blogging that is what makes it an interesting read right? I'm still new to this and the content of Beyond Beauty Diaries may evolve a little over time. Side Note: I chose Beyond Beauty Diaries as the name of my blog because the content is supposed to reflect the details beyond what you see. Here's trying:

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05.2008

TO START

Kevin and I have been married for three years as of April of this year. Through those years we have grown together and learned that together there is so much we can accomplish. From the start we have experienced some difficult times, nevertheless, we manage to stay positive and sincerely believe that all things have a purpose. We have two wonderful children, Sarah and Tyler, who are our greatest accomplishments. We constantly are trying to improve ourselves. We look forward to the many many years ahead of us and plan to make the best of them. 

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Not the greatest post, but it was the first entry of our family blog. It has been years since I saw that picture. I was super thin! And look at those chunky babies! I just want to pinch those droopy baby cheeks on Tyler. It is crazy that they were once so little. How time has zipped by! The words are still true today, though. We have seen many more ups and downs, but everything has had a purpose. We do still continue to look forward to the future and now almost twelve years of marriage, we look back and can still smile about those years. Our children are still our greatest accomplishments, but I would have to say that marrying Kevin is by far my greatest adventure...the kids are a bonus. 

We Are His Hands

When we fall on hard times, it is often easy to fall into the temptation of self pity and in some instances become bitter towards God and life. You may ask "Why is this happening to me?" or "How can a loving God allow such things to happen?" Although it is never a joy to be stretched to our limits, good can come from these situations. There are teaching moments, grains of wisdom to cultivate, even when life beats you down. You can very well not get anything out of the hard times, that is your choice, but this leads to more suffering and bitterness.

"[W]e have suffered all manner of afflictions, and all this, that perhaps we might be the means of saving some soul; and we supposed that our joy would be full if perhaps we could be the means of saving some." (Alma 26:30)

In the Book of Mormon: Another Testament of Jesus Christ, when Ammon is testifying of God's hand in their journey and life's he says:

"Now, when our hearts were depressed, and we were about to turn back, behold the Lord comforted us, and said: Go amongst thy bretheren, and bear with patience thine afflictions, and I will give unto you success." (Alma 26:27)

Who hasn't felt that point where we are about to give up on our quest? I have. It is the point where you fall to your knees and feel the weight of it all crushing you down. Something beautiful happens though when you turn to God in that moment of desperation. He sends angels to bear you up in your afflictions. He adds strength to your efforts. I promise that He always sends help in His own time. I can't tell you how many times He has rescued me and similarly to Ammon's words:

"I do not boast in my own strength, nor in my own wisdom; but behold, my joy is full, yea, my heart is brim with joy, and I will rejoice in my God."

"Yea, I know that I am nothing; as to my strength I am weak; therefore I will not boast of myself, but will boast of my God, for in his strength I can do all things; yea, behold, many mighty miracles we have wrought in this land, for which we will praise his name forever." (Alma 26:11-12)

I marvel at the mercy of God and love for us, his children. If we bear our afflictions with patience and have faith that no matter how dark the night may get, that our Father will bring the morning light to our lives, all our suffering will not be in vain.

Around the holidays in Utah there was a lady who attended our church who would stop by and bring us treats. I got to know her story a little in our interactions and knew that she suffered many discomforts from poor health, yet she made the effort to reach out and remind me and my family that we were not alone. In speaking to her I found out that she had suffered the loss of a child and that although she could not make sense of the hardship, she later realized that from her suffering she gained wisdom and light to provide to others going through what she had suffered.

The same is true for us all. We don't have to just tuck away those mortal pains in our heart, hidden from all. We can use these to guide others out of the darkness and give them hope to live and keep fighting the good fight. We are God's hands! The messages we share with others can save souls, and so, our joy will be full.

A modern day frustration I have is to see so many keep to their own. What I mean by this is that we don't reach outside of our immediate circle of influence. We become complacent in our normal routines and with the people we frequent. Some of you are aware that my family relocated for work approximately two thousand miles away from anyone we knew. This was huge for us! We had never lived more than a few minutes from any family. I was sorrowful for many months before adjusting to the idea. I felt very much alone because of little association with others locally. However, I gained a new perspective for being on the outside so to speak especially when my efforts to get to know and fellowship members of our faith proved one-sided. From this unfortunate distance and current circumstance came an opportunity that had not presented itself otherwise, the opportunity to fellowship others. I'm not talking about members of our faith in general, but neighbors and people I just come across. It awakened an understanding that has allowed me to be an instrument in the hands of God to bring others to the light of Christ.

"Those who labor in the Lord's vineyard share a bond of love that comes from laboring in the 'harvest' together. This bond is deepened by common experiences of faith and testimony." (Book of Mormon Student Manual Commentary, Chapter 27)

In our laboring to serve others we often don't believe that it need involve any kind of preparation except for a willingness to serve. In Alma, Chapter 17 we learn that this is not so. Apart from a willingness to go and serve, we need to prepare our hearts and our minds. We do so by searching and studying the Word of God diligently. We are counseled to begin our study of the Word of God with prayer so as to get the most out of our study along with other great promises: "He will bring knowledge and conviction that will bless your life and allow you to bless the lives of others. Your faith in Jesus Christ will increase. Your desire to repent and improve will grow. This kind of study prepares you for service, offers solace, resolves problems, and gives you the strength to endure to the end." (Preach My Gospel Manual)

Prayer is also a big part of our preparing to serve. How many of us pray for opportunities to serve without the intent to follow through? Do we seek to serve only when it is convenient or we feel up to it? Let me tell you that the times serving has been most effective when I accept to do it when I least feel it is convenient or least feel up to it. Unless I'm sick or out of town, I gear up for service or at least try. And trust me, I have social anxieties as well so I know about going forward in faith.

In the story of Ammon we learn that he and the other young men he served with learned to live in peace with those they were looking to teach before they began teaching them the gospel.

"And the Lord said unto them also: Go forth among the Lamanites, thy brethren, and establish my word; yet ye shall be patient in long-suffering and afflictions, that ye may show forth good examples unto them in me, and I will make an instrument of thee in my hands unto the salvation of many souls." (Alma 17:11)

M. Russel Ballard counseled how to manage this with our own neighbors: "First, get to know your neighbors. Learn about their families, their work, their views. Get together with them, if they are willing, and do so without being pushy and without any ulterior motives. Second, eliminate a couple phrases from [your] vocabulary: nonmember and non-Mormon. Such phrases can be demeaning and even belittling...I prefer to be identified for who and what I am, as opposed to being identified for what I am not. Third,...respect the rights of all people to peacefully coexist with one another."

Good can come from bearing our burdens in patience and turning to the Lord for strength and comfort. The light and knowledge we gain from such experiences are meant to help others. Don't procrastinate beginning to do God's work when it is convenient for you. The time is now! You will be blessed for your efforts, I promise.

"We all have significant opportunity to practice Christianity, and we should try it at every opportunity." (President Howard W. Hunter)

Time is Fleeting

There are 24 hours in a day, 30 plus days in a month, 12 months in a year, which calculates into 8,760 hours. On average that means we use approximately 2,500 of those hours for sleep. That leaves about 6,200 hours for work, play, etc. As a mother I understand what it is like to feel like there is not enough time in the day to get everything done. It is often impossible to not have a task spill over into the next day. I've heard it time and time again..."I'd love to, I just don't have the time."

When I was working as a paralegal, time was essential for almost every task that took place. Everything had time running and I had to learn to prioritize tasks based on those deadlines. We of course used a docketing system to help with managing those deadlines because the case loads demanded that discipline. When the time came to be home and homeschool my kids, that same discipline carried into our home life. I enjoy managing my time, but I'm realistic at home that it doesn't work as efficiently as one would hope 100% of the time. One thing I have learned about my career and as a mom, you make time for what is important. I'm sure you agree. I am guilty of making time for things that are not of importance, do I really need to watch Netflix or peruse social media? No, when it comes to importance, I would gladly eliminate social media... Netflix on the other hand would be a little bit more difficult to do away with. I make time for the essential things like making dinner, going to work, picking up the kids from school, attending church. These things require a time that I need to be present. Everything else is a matter of choice in what I select to do with my time. A clean house is important to me, I make time. Spending time on the weekend with family is important to me, I make time. Reading the scriptures and studying the word of God is important to me, I make time. Serving God is important to me, I make time to serve others. No, this is not always convenient but I have never come away feeling like it was a waste of time to give time. See the pattern there?

How do we balance our time in a manner that we can make the best of it? I love the message shared by Dallin H. Oaks regarding how we choose to spend our time. Here is a short clip from his address:

(You can watch, listen, or read the full message here.)

He is so right. If we tried to make time for all good things, there really would not be enough time. We need to give priority to the better, and even more to the best things. The trick here is to begin questioning "Is this a need or want?" Example: You are asked to help set up for an event at church, but you have already made plans to meet up with friends to dine and shop. Spending time with cherished friends is good. Taking 30 minutes to help set up for a service  prior to meeting with them is better. I find that we often make excuses for why we don't do the things that are better or best. Did you wake up early enough to get that morning workout in (self-care is important)? Better yet, some scripture study in (worship is important)? Excuse: I was too tired. Well, could you maybe make it to bed a little earlier to get that needed rest? With kids I understand sometimes getting the rest we need isn't possible, but if we stayed up late watching TV or on social media, that would probably be something that isn't in the better or best category. At first shifting things around based on the idea of good, better, best, may come with some discomfort.

As adults I believe it is just common for us to do what we want, when we want. Yet, we restrict this option for our kids. Kevin and I sometimes catch up on weeding our emails or checking other accounts when we all get home. Sarah, our oldest asked a very good question as to why it appeared we were often on our electronics when they were home. I realized that sometimes even though it was good that I was replying to their teachers, to friends or family, this was probably not the best time to catch up on this. Plus, while we restrict our kids to only one hour of electronics time, I realized we have not set such limitations to how long we use it. We have since become much more conscience about the use of our electronics. Reflecting on our habits is a great way to prioritize. I've actually gone to the extent of using an app called RescueTime to track my electronics habits so that I can determine where I am spending most of my time and replace it with something in the better or best category. Funny thing about this is that I am almost sure I know where I am wasting time but seeing it just helps confirm my suspicions so that I will be more encouraged to change the habit. Maybe you're in the same boat.

I promise that when you make time for the things that are better and best in your life, you are blessed. Don't get discouraged if you currently struggle with these choices. Start somewhere and work your way to best. Maybe it is giving up gossiping for saying good things (good) that will lead to serving your neighbor (better), and then best, loving them too (best). Giving up the overuse of social media may lead to picking up the phone and making the call to a relative or someone you haven't talked to in a long time (good), which may lead to finding out they needed to talk to someone (better), and you learn how you can help them and you help them (best). Goodness can come from sacrifice. Pray for direction and don't hesitate to follow the counsel.